Uglyhead

I failed to mention this when it happened, but a few weeks ago one of my Emory rat snakes escaped from her cage. It probably happened sometime Friday night and went unnoticed until Sunday afternoon. Apparently, some of the cage bedding had become lodged in the track of the sliding glass door. Subsequently, what I thought was closed was actually open just enough for a little two foot snake to squeeze out. I searched high low and low in a perimeter sweep, going from room to room. After about a half hour I found Tsukigo hiding in the Kate Spade diaper bag. Then I told Pamela that the snake was on the loose…quickly followed by the words but I found her.

Everyone I tell this story to freaks out. I was more scared of the snake getting hurt or lost than anything. Besides, it’s not as if we were using the diaper bag. Although, had we been, then the situation could have easily turned out worse for Tsugiko and me! Pamela has warned me to make sure it does not happen again. The moral of the story is to keep your reptiles secure, or your dogs on a leash if you have no herps at home.

Now Monty, on the other hand, would cause me greater concern if he escaped. Not so much now, but the moreso as time goes on. You see, it turns out that Monty is not a Ball python at all. Our little adopted pet is actually a Burmese python, something that has come as a surprise to both his previous keeper and us. Currently he weighs 1,710 grams and measures five feet long. When we got him he was 1,227 grams. Several weeks ago he was only four and a half feet long. If this means nothing to you, then consider that Burms are the second longest snake in the world (behind the Reticulated Python). Next year Monty ought to double in length and weigh at least twelve times his current three and three quarter pounds. At full maturity he could be over sixteen feet long and weigh two hundred plus pounds. That’s only fifteen pounds less than me!

Keep in mind that Monty is still small (for a Burm) and relatively manageable. He is quite tame and lets us handle him without objection. Aidan, Isabel and I have grown quite fond of him. Unfortunately, we are not in a position to keep him long term. For one, the caging requirements for a grown adult are 8′w X 4′d x 3′h. I do not have room for that in my house (nor could I easily afford such an enclosure). Also, feedings twice a month consist of a large rabbit, chicken or a small piglet. Peter cottontails don’t come cheap…and can’t you just see me scrounging around for something to feed Monty? Here kitty, kitty. And when they poop you practically need a shovel to clean it up.

Then there is the inherent danger factor of owning a giant snake. Cartoonist Gary Larson, of The Far Side, had a close call with a Burmese python that he had raised from a baby. According to Larson, he realized he was “living with a gigantic predator with a very small brain” when one day it tried to do him in. Anytime a carnivorous pet weighs as much as, or more than, its owner, then you have to wonder about the size of the owner’s brain? For example, check out this dude kicking back on his couch with his HUGE Burmese Python. It makes you think Darwin was right about natural selection. Of course, I am joking, but you know what they say about truth in jesting. It is very easy to assume that because a snake is tame that it cannot hurt anyone. On the contrary, it is this exact attitude in which people forget they are dealing with powerful predators that can lead to tragedy.

But do not worry — especially Lois and Aunt Mary — as the kids are in no danger. We are taking it one step at a time and figuring out whether Monty has to go back to his previous prior owner, or if we need to look elsewhere for placement. And besides, I still have a freezer full of large rats. I wonder how much Monty could grow between now and…? Let me do the math…sometime in the late fall I think. Until then we are all having a big laugh of it, including Willa, who said that, “We couldn’t have dreamed up a worse joke to play on Pam than to accidentally give you a Burmese python!!” And just think, both the Ibach’s and our kids can tell their classmates and teachers that they used to have a man-eating pet snake!